dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
