I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
