dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
