you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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