My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
