Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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