I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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