Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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