Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
