my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
