It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
