god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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