Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
