Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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