I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
