I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
People with herpes should wear stickers.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
