I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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