This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
