Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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