i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
