i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
