It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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