Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
