I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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