dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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