i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
