As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
