Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
