I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
