They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
