i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if only i could text you this smell
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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