So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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