I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
