My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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