Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
