i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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