We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
