I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
