I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
