I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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