He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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