i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think people are normalizing furries
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
