It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
