i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I lost the right to judge tonight
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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