I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
