I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
