a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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