I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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