??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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