Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Watching her eat just hurts me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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