i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
