I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
do nipples grow back?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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