I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
