I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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